Estranged but Not Forgotten: The Radical Courage to Reconnect

What happens when the people who were supposed to love you… hurt you? And what if you're the one who did the hurting?

These are the hard questions we tackled on this unforgettable episode of the Crackin’ Backs Podcast with Dr. Vince Ruiz—former soldier, addiction survivor, counselor, father, and truth-teller.


One in Four Americans is Estranged. Let That Sink In.

Estrangement isn’t rare—it’s epidemic. Between parents and children. Siblings. Whole families split in silence. And behind each rupture lies trauma, misunderstanding, and years of unspoken pain.

But what if the healing doesn’t begin with the other person?

What if it starts with radical acceptance… and owning your part in the story?


“I was a good man… but a terrible father.”

In this brutally honest conversation, Vince opens up about the grief of being estranged from his own daughter. Not in anger. But with humility.

He reflects on the missed moments, the traumas that shaped him, the addiction that stole years—and the truth bomb she later dropped:

“You’re a good man, Dad. But you were a terrible father. I hope you get it right this time.”

There are no playbooks for parenting through pain. No guidebook for how to rebuild a bridge burned by unmet expectations or protective boundaries.

And that’s why this episode is so powerful.


Estrangement Through the Eyes of a Clinician

As a therapist, Vince has counseled families torn apart by divorce, abuse, addiction, politics, mental illness, and—most heartbreakingly—love that went unexpressed or unacknowledged.

He pulls no punches:
 

• “We need to stop blaming our kids for being distant and start asking better questions.”

• “Forgiveness is the highest level of personal evolution.”

• “The world is dangerous, but it doesn’t have to be scary.”
   

Whether you’re the parent longing for a call, or the adult child drowning in guilt and boundaries—you will see yourself somewhere in this conversation.

What You'll Learn:
 

• Why estrangement can be an act of self-preservation—not revenge.

• How trauma and overprotection can both lead to rupture.

• The subtle emotional abuse most parents don’t recognize.

• How to write the one letter that might begin the path to reconciliation.

• The vital difference between “curiosity” and “interest” in healing relationships.

• How cults, gangs, and even CrossFit fill the emotional voids left behind by broken family systems.
   

Hope, Even in Silence

Dr. Ruiz shares the toughest truth of all:

“Sometimes you have to love your child enough to let go—and trust they’ll come back when they’re ready. Or not. But healing starts with you.”

And when they don’t pick up your calls, send the letter. Once a year. With grace, not guilt.

Because reconciliation doesn’t start with the other person. It starts with your own radical transformation.

This episode will shake you, soften you, and maybe—just maybe—help you find the courage to say:

“I’m sorry. I love you. I’m here if you’re ready.”

🔗 Watch now on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@crackinbackspodcast
🔊 Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your shows.